So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Operation Purity has been aborted
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
