So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Randomize
