So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
