Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Pooping to opera.
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