Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
