just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
he fucked my hip out of place.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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