Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
