so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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