I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
