He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
