you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I have already put on my inside pants.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
