Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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