i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
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