I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
