Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
