he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
