party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
