so that wasnt chicken after all
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
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