I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
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