you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
