If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
