My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
