Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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