my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize