dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Randomize