i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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