i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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