just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
