Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
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Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
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I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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