Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
2020 sucks, I want a refund
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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