I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
