You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
