Have you finally orgasmed yet?
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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