I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
