He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
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