Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
