I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Randomize
