Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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