And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
