I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
