Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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