I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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