I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
