yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
