i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
being pregnant is like rehab
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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