Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Randomize
