he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
