Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize