I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
