you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
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