every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
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