I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize