yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
