I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
