I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
