I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Randomize
