She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
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Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
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Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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