the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Randomize
