Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
