hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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