Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Randomize
