i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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