the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
