to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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