wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
